The other day I realized that I have been laying down on some figurative floor and letting some figurative rain pour on me and figurative feet trample me.  (Yes, my imagination is dramatic). I can’t exactly say what finally pushed me down but I know that the following two things played a role in my tumble.

  • I’ve only been diagnosed with MS a little over a year. I think I’m still angry and terrified all mixed up into one major emotional brain jumble.
  • My job makes me into a data entry zombie, and personally, I think I could do a lot better with my skills.

The best part of this revelation though was understanding that I had to pick myself up. I had to change my thinking. That is when this quote popped into my head: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” Vince Lombardi Originally, a teammate gave me this quote when I was playing soccer. (I ended up on the ground a lot and I was to take it literally.) However, now the quote captures more than literally falling, but reminds me that giving up isn’t an option.

It has only been 2 days since I imagined picking myself up and wiping myself off, but my resolve to make my life better has been present. I applied to a few jobs, exercised, and had an awesome Sunday with my fiancé even though I was completely exhausted from only a few hours of sleep the night before.

If there is one thing, I hope to keep with me from all this, it would be that even if something has knocked me down, I need to get up. Otherwise, I might lie there too long, and be too trampled to actually get up.

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1 Response to Perserverance

  1. Judy says:

    Having been at this a lot longer than you, I can tell you that one of the most important things in dealing with this illness will be your resolve.The dark moments will come. You will pick yourself up and start again and, after a time, you may realize that you are stronger than you ever expected to be. Not everyone agrees with me, but personally I believe the emotion of anger, as long as it is not self and other directed, is actually an asset in dealing with the illness. If you are lucky, you will reach a point of heightened compassion toward yourself and others. And don’t beat up on yourself if you don’t always get it right. This is no small thing you are dealing with. Good luck.

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